There’s no person that feels unable to please the most in a blended family than a remarried dad. In the heart of a man is the desire to protect, and now, he’s in a situation where he’s set up to fail in that area. He can’t always protect his children as he’s not always with them and he can’t protect his wife from the drama and stress that comes from life in a blended family.
(In an earlier post, we dove deep into “What Every Stepmom wants her husband to understand” – you can access that post here.)
Where every man understands that being a stepmom is NOT easy, there’s also some things he feels and experiences too that he wishes you could understand.
Here we take the thoughts from Kim, our clients & many encounters on social media, and give remarried Dad’s hearts the space they need:
EVERY remarried dad wants his wife to know that….
This situation isn’t what I imagined either.
We know that no woman grows up dreaming of being a stepmom. But, we promise, no dad ever dreams of divorce and only seeing his children part-time.
I wish I could protect you from all the pain.
I carry with me so much regret, pain and guilt. Not only do I have to watch the consequences of my actions affect my children, but now, also the love of my life. I am sorry that you have to deal with extra drama & stress in your life due to schedule changes, unwelcoming family members, frustrations from my ex and attitudes from my children.
I will always see my kids through the lens of love – and you would too.
My children will always be my children. No matter how much you love them, I know we love them differently. I know to you, it may be easier to see more black or white, and have an outsider’s perspective. However, to me, they’ll always be my babies.
I need your grace more often than I may say it.
I know I am not always right. I know I don’t always make the best decisions when it comes to my kids. I know I don’t always apply the correct boundaries with my ex. However, instead of being told how wrong I am or how I could do better, most of the times, I just need your support. I need you to listen and forgive me when I make bad decisions. I need you more in these circumstances than you probably know.
There’s no magic formula to make all of the challenges in a blended family go away. The best we can do, backed by research, is build a strong foundation in one’s marriage to navigate the challenges together. Becoming a strong & united team will allow your blended family to be successful.
One way to get there is through better understanding of each other’s perspective. We hope this article shined a light on the husband’s perspective and allows you both to foster deeper connection and intimacy in your marriage.
Want help navigating these challenging conversation AND create a tangible & tailored plan of how to move forward on the right foot in your blended family? Book a FREE Successful Stepfamily call with us HERE – and we will get you working on the first step in your blended family handbook.